World’s Most Exclusive Sleepover Party: Zero Guests Attend! Find Out How You Can Throw the Ultimate Lonely Night!
What I planned as a night for building camaraderie, long-lasting friendships, and some old-fashioned fun ended as a pity party for one that I hosted and attended.
I always prided myself on throwing and hosting great parties. I remember my elementary school gala event I dubbed “The Social Event of 1989.” Nearly all my classmates attended as my mom DJ’d playing hits such as Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative,” Paula Abdul’s “Rush, Rush,” and the ultimate slow dance power ballad, Poison’s “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn.”
We played Spin the Bottle, ate pizza, and drank copious amounts of Hi-C Ecto Cooler. I earned quite a reputation for throwing memorable parties and continued hosting semi-annual events. Some of the more flashy events included 1993’s “Debevic’s Big Movie Marathon.” where my closest friends watched Carlito’s Way, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Indecent Proposal on laser disc. Mom made a sundae bar, and we had trivia events between movies.
There was even a rumor that Cindy Gladstone got impregnated by Hector Bonaventure III after the “Big Movie Marathon.” Two years later, I threw Hector Bonaventure IV’s 1-year birthday party. This may have been the best 1-year old birthday party thrown in history. It went well into the early morning hours, and Mum performed an original rap piece set to Bone Thugs n’ Harmony’s “1st of Tha Month.” There was a baby-diaper-changing contest using dolls, and Eddie Sullivan ate all the melted chocolates from the dirty diapers.
The Best Made Plans of Mice and Men
This year I decided to throw an event to make my Instagram explode! I invited my heroes to gather at a bank vault I rented specially for the party. It would be a sleepover, and I had every detail designed and planned out. My guest list was short but impressive: Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Jamie Dimon, Gary Gensler, The Rock, and Elizabeth Warren. I called the event…