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5 Reasons Why Taylor Swift Will Probably Dump Travis Kelce For Me
Even though her profile hasn’t popped up on my Tinder or Match app, I’m pretty sure Taylor Swift reads Medium, and with your help, I will probably be her next boyfriend.
Last Tuesday night, I was reviewing a spreadsheet featuring my wildest dreams- a story I know all too well. Curled in my bed wearing nothing but my favorite cardigan, I reminisced on my days on Cornelia Street in Coney Island. I used to be the man, but now I’m simply Mr. perfectly fine.
Travis Kelce is a good football player and some would say he’s a better man than me. But I’m pretty certain Taylor and I can be suburban legends, cashing in on our joint karma. My writing, her voice- we could be the new romantics, and she‘d finally find her end game with me.
She’d compliment my beautiful eyes, and I’d basque in her afterglow. After all of her local concerts, I’d take my American girl away in my getaway car. Maybe we could create a variety show where I’d recite poems about false gods and Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, and she’d tease me with Dear John letters, and she could share her enchanted love stories while I perfect my human beatbox.
